YOU'RE NOT ALONE

 

When I was a little girl, I used to think that whatever my sister does, I should follow since she is my role model. I mean, who wouldn’t want to be her? She’s smart, talented, loved by many, she’s pretty much everything that I want to be. So, when she got accepted to a boarding school, naturally I did what all naïve people would do, I worked my way, burned the midnight oil just to get into the same school that she went, MRSM Langkawi.

By then, the UPSR days had ended, and we were all waiting for our results. A few months later, came the most awaited day; I got what I wanted – 5As and off I go to the school of my dreams. The first few weeks at the school was literally a dream, filled with competitive smart kids, daily congregational prayers, we get to eat 5 times a day and all that. But then, after a month in, I just started feeling lonely – like there’s just a small emptiness in me, and I just did not know what to do.

I tried to shake things off by joining a lot more activities, to make myself busy. It was working quite well to the point where I got selected to represent the school for tracks and cross-country. For a good period of time, I did feel something, but then the void started to fill in again, and I just felt very alone. I still remember there were nights were I just had to cry myself to sleep. I talked to some of my friends about it, even became close to some of the people that I looked up to, and they are very nice people. Kept on reminding me that Allah is always here with me and kept on inviting me to go to the surau together with them, for prayers – the Sunnahs and the obligatory ones, for the sake of our friendship and the Deen.

I remember this one very particular day, when everything got so bad and I just felt like giving up, my friends came to me and asked if I wanted to go for our Dhuha prayer with them. I went and I took my wudhu’, prayed Dhuha, and then had a little bit more time to spare. So, I took my Quran, and flip to a random page, and there it was; the verses that helped me a lot.

مَا وَدَّعَكَ رَبُّكَ وَمَا قَلَى ﴿۳

Your Lord has not taken leave of you, [O Muḥammad], nor has He detested [you].

— Saheeh International

وَوَجَدَكَ ضَالًّا فَهَدَى ﴿۷    

And He found you lost and guided [you],

For 5 years, MRSM Langkawi’s surau – Raudhatul Muttaqin, had been my asylum. The place where I felt at peace and brought me serenity. I would spend hours on hours there, praying to God, crying to Him about my problems, reading the Quran, learning my study materials; and it felt like home whenever I’m there. I always felt alone whenever I walk around my school, but when I’m there, it feels like a huge weight just got off my shoulder, and I’m back at my happy place. I hope that you will find your peace. After all, this Dunya is just a pitstop for us all to ready ourselves for the inevitable. This is a reminder that you're not alone, you have never been alone, and Allah will always be there to guide you.

Love,
Mira